Bringing It All Together 22: The Role of the Counselor

The Role of the Counselor B: BOTH Care & Confrontation

Chances are, you know people that are really good at caring for people but would never mention an offense.

And you might know some people who are really gifted in speaking the truth when it hurts, but they are not the most nurturing of individuals.

But usually, we are not naturally bent towards both. And yet, good counsel offers both and knows when each is needed. People need to be affirmed and encouraged, reminded of their goodness (especially!) when they are suffering consequences of their depravity. AND people need to be challenged and exhorted, like a puppy whose nose is rubbed in the evidence of their immaturity. If a client/friend could SEE all the ways they need to grow and be challenged to change, then they wouldn't need your counsel.

Notice which direction your heart responded to the last paragraph. Did you say "Oh, yes, I want to remind them of all that is good in them." Or did you say, "YES! They probably need a good kick in the pants!" It's important to know your leaning.

Jesus did both. He longed to care for Jerusalem like a mother hen with her chicks (Mt. 23:37). And he continually rebuked those who were certain of their own goodness, especially the Pharisees, who abused the Law for their own purposes. And more importantly, he knew which was needed in each circumstance.

In general, I think-- Are they aware of their struggle and broken up over their mess? This person needs care. But if they are pointing the finger at others and blind to the way that their brokenness hurts others... well, they probably need some loving truth.

BUT, people are complicated, right? People do MASTER cover-up jobs. There are people who are REALLY SKILLED at playing the self-critic (the kind that appears to need grace) so that no one else will. And there are people who THRIVE in abrasiveness, (the kind you may feel like blasting) because deep down they feel deeply unloved.

So, bottom line, you need great WISDOM!