Bringing It All Together 17: What Is a Good Marriage?

Maybe it would have been better to put this post FIRST before all the relational mess we've been looking at the last several days, but I'm all for ending the marriage section with a great vision for what it was/is designed to be.

Just like we look to the Trinity for a pattern of how humans relate in the image of God where emotions are a key part, the Trinity gives us a clue into a good marriage. In the Trinity, there is a 'wedding' of unity and diversity. God the Father, Son, and Spirit are deeply committed to one another's glory and good (unity), and yet they are different from one other (diversity.) So it is true with a good marriage. In the unity, the individuality is never lost. Marriage is a union where the two become one, and in the oneness, the uniqueness of each is not lost.

In Genesis 2 with Adam and Eve, we hear a key phrase that epitomizes the goal of marriage:

The man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed. In the Bible, this glorious union only lasts for 7 verses, as we later read after the Fall, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked, and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings..." And Adam says later to God, "I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." Enter the black box. Enter hiding. Enter shame.

Naked and unashamed. Of course we know that this nakedness is not just physical. It is every part of us. It is all of you laid bare before another, and feeling no fear of embarrassment or rejection, but knowing beyond a doubt that every part of you will be received, nurtured, embraced.

Now everyone take a deep breath and imagine that.

Also, marriage was designed to be a bold adventure between Adam and Eve; between you and your spouse. Just think about it-- God gave them both a glorious purpose: lovingly ruling over His good creation. And He gave them a glorious partner for the task--one who was deeply committed to the other, and to the same purpose, but each was fascinatingly different from the other. And ever since that fateful day gone terribly wrong, husbands and wives labor to recover that sense of naked and unashamed in the context of bold adventure.

Jesus says He came that we might have life, and live it abundantly. What if spouses were equally committed to creating space in each other's lives, so each could discover more and more about the path God has uniquely for them? What if each said to the other, "let's go forward together, emotionally, physically, relationally, geographically, getting to know each other in the process..."

Too often our marriages are committed to something different-- "Let's be certain and safe. Let's not risk pain, or failure, or mess. And let's try to be just like each other, so we can each feel as comfortable with the other as possible."

Every marriage today is post-Fall, and every marriage relationship bears the scars of wounds that came before it. Yet, every marriage also has great potential for restoring created glory. It is not too late! Jesus is in the business of restoring brokenness, and granting hope and courage to ask hard questions and turn in new directions! Honesty is the first step.