Yes, I know the blog has been sorely neglected this semester!

My semester is winding to a close. Would you pray for me? And Jim and the girls while I'm away? I leave this coming Friday for a counseling opportunity in China. I've had to finish the semester about 10 days early, which means the last few weeks have been pretty stressful, but I turned in my term paper on Friday and finished my exam tonight! Yeah! My term paper was actually very formative for me as a counselor and I'm thankful to my prof who allowed me to tweak it for my own interest and growth. Now just three more days of clients, winding up lose ends, and I'm off!

Can I sing the praises of my sweet husband for a moment? He took the girls to Aunt Julie's today and cleared the whole day for me so I could finish my exam. And he encouraged me to go on this trip, and has paved the way for me to take advantage of this great opportunity. I feel the love, hon.

I leave you with a quote, thinking about leading others as one being led.

"Paul calls leaders not merely to be humble and self-effacing but to be desperate and honest. It is not enough to be self-revealing, authentic, and transparent. Our calling goes far beyond that. We are called to be reluctant, limping, chief-sinner leaders, and even more, to be stories. The word that Paul uses is that a leader is to be an ‘example,’ but what that implies is more than a figure on a flannel board. He calls us to be a living portrayal of the very gospel we beseech others to believe. And that requires a leader to see himself as being equally prone to deceive as he is to tell the truth, to manipulate as he is to bless, to cower as he is to be bold. A leader is both a hero and a fool, a saint and a felon.

We are both and to pretend otherwise is to be disingenuous. The leader who fails to face [his] darkness must live with fear and hypocrisy. The result will be a defensiveness that places saving face and controlling others as higher goods than blessing others and doing good work. Clearly, the biblical model of leadership is odd, inverted, and deeply troubling. It is so troubling that most churches, seminaries, and other religious organizations would never hire a ‘chief sinner.’ The only one who thinks to do so is God." --Dan Allender, Leading With a Limp

Beautiful Fall

Last weekend, my sweet friend April from Dallas came to visit! Though she was a Ranger fan in the land of Cardinal's on the historic weekend, she managed not to get trampled. On Friday, the day of game 7, we went downtown and toured the arch and witnessed the mayhem surrounding the Cardinal's stadium: the fountains died red, the campers on the lawn, the crowds with signs "I have tickets!"; "I need tickets"...

But on Saturday we took a little day trip to Pere Marquette State Park, near Grafton, IL, along "Three River Drive" where the Mississippi, Missouri and Illinois rivers merge. It was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous! Here are some tastes of the beauty of Saint Louis Fall at the height of color!






















































































































































































Thanks my friend for coming to spend the weekend with me! And thanks to her hubby Britt who surprised her and made it happen! (And my hubby too who released me to play for the weekend! :)

Plowing Into Darkness

I've decided this semester-- NO counseling textbooks before bed. Not allowed.
Instead, I've been reading children's literature. It's a really delightful way to end the day. In the past when I was homeschooling, this was one of the parts of the 'job' that I loved-- researching, selecting, and reading really good literature with the girls. And not just for their sake!

So I've been reading the Chronicles of Narnia series. I know this is probably a little overdone in our circles, but I have NEVER read it. I didn't realize until after finishing Lion Witch and Wardrobe with the girls, that it is really the 2nd book in the series. Book 1 really fills in some gaps! Go figure! The girls and I just finished Book 1, but I just finished Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Book 5). Ellie said this week-- "Mommy, stop reading ahead! It's not fair!" Sorry Ellie, mommy is having too much fun. So I leave you today with this excerpt:

Behind them was the sea and the sun, before them, the Darkness.

"Do we go into this?" asked Caspian.
"Not by my advise," said Drinian.
"The Captain's right," said several sailors.
"I almost think he is," said Edmund.
Lucy and Eustace didn't speak but they felt very glad inside at the turn things seemed to be taking. But all at once, the clear voice of Reepicheep broke in upon the silence.

"And why not?" he said. "Will someone explain to me why not.... If I were addressing peasants or slaves, I might suppose that this suggestion proceeded from cowardice. But I hope it will never be told in Narnia that a company of noble and royal persons in the flower of their age turned tail because they were afraid of the dark."

"But what manner of use would it be, plowing through that blackness?" asked Drinian.

"Use? replied Reepicheep. "Use, Captain? If by use you mean filling our bellies or our purses, I confess it will be no use at all. So far as I know we did not set sail to look for things useful but to seek honor and adventure. And here is as great an adventure as ever I hear of, and here, if we turn back, no little impeachment of all our honors."

(And if we are at all honest, we would reply like Caspian)--
"Oh bother you, Reepicheep. I almost wish we'd left you at home. All right! If you put it that way, I suppose we shall have to go on."

Somehow this is comforting, and inspiring, as I take up the charge of plowing through darkness this year-- my own, and the darkness of others. It takes great courage, and I greatly identify with the tentative sailors aboard the the Dawn Treader. Yet there is life and freedom and joy on the other side of it. So you must read to the end of the book!

It's a.... Watermelon!

Back in May, our friend Hudson gave us a watermelon seeding. It sat in the sink for about a week while I was uncertain what to do with it. Jim said-- find a home for it, or it's a goner. So I went out to the back yard and found a spot. Pulled up a bunch of weeds to make room for it. And planted the little thing. Then we left town for 6 weeks. This side of the house gets a TON of sun, and I totally didn't expect it to survive. We came back, and lo and behold, there was a gangly vine running wild!

A few weeks later there were a few little watermelon buds, but only one really developed. We kept checking it, and somehow it kept getting bigger! Can you tell that I continued to be shocked that it made it?

After about 2 weeks of non-growth and cooler temps, we decided it had grown all it would, and had the ceremonial cutting. And it actually tasted SWEET! Not a prize winner by any stretch, but for our first watermelon ever, I was sincerely impressed! Check out our proud lil' gardeners! Thanks Hudson!

Elephant Rock State Park

I have pictures! These were taken on Labor Day when we went with some new friends, the Nye's to Elephant Rock State Park. What a lovely day!





















































Joelle, Kathryn, Corey & Ellie

The Counselor is...

Yes, I am keenly aware that I haven't really posted anything in a few weeks. I have dived deep into the waters of my counseling internship. About 5 times, I've started to write posts about my initial experiences. But they never make it to "print."

There's the crazy scheduling part.
I'm learning how to juggle my schedule with clients, to leave a slight bit of margin, so I can get the kids off to school and sit down with someone without being completely frazzled. And I can leave enough time at the end of the day to finish the necessary paperwork, not bring it home with me, and rushing off to pick the girls up without risking life and limb to meet their bus. So far, I'm spending about an hour per client thinking through what we discussed, writing out reflection notes, and processing ideas for our next session together. I thought there would be time to study for class in between clients, but that's not happening. But this is not really what I'm learning.

I have 6 clients so far. One couple; 5 women. They are a mix of different ages, ethnicities, social classes, backgrounds, and needs. Ideally I could take on more (so they tell me), but so far 6 feels PLENTY. I can't tell you about them, but I wish I could, because I'm learning so much through them. I wish you could hear their stories. Because the most poignant moments are in their stories.

But mostly, it's not because of confidentiality that I haven't written. It's just because I don't know how to articulate the impact its having on my soul. Some moments feel so ordinary that they are too banal to write about. But many moments feel sacred and beyond the blogsphere, and I have no words. But maybe the words will start flowing, and then you'll be the first to know.

“It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are—even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing.”

Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

First Day of School

I know I'm behind in posting pics, but last Tues. the 16th was the girls first day of school in 1st and 3rd grades!

Ellie has Mrs. Goyal, who was already unfortunately put on bedrest for her pregnancy, and so Ellie has a sub from the start. But she loves Mrs. Card!

K has Mrs. Zoroufchi. That's right. Za-roof-she. She from Iran, which we think is really cool!

















































Yeah for the start of school! How many more years do you think the girls will be rejoicing about going back to school?

Whiskers and Tales

Last Sat. at our library, they had the "Whiskers and Tales" program, where therapy dogs come as guest audiences for kids who read to them. It was SUCH fun to watch! When you entered the room, there were about a dozen dogs to choose from, and you sat down with that dog and read your book to them. Each dog was accompanied by their owner who told you about them and sat with you during your time. The girls each got to pick 3 dogs. We were concerned about Ellie's allergies but we just filled her with Benadryl before we left, and she didn't sneeze once!

Colby...



















Jade...



















and Sydnie...

Are Squirrels Intelligent?

After returning from our Colorado vacation and thinking about how much I enjoyed the hummingbird feeder, Jim bought me this bird feeder. I know this is a simple pleasure, I can't tell you how much fun its been to watch and see who comes to visit.



















Here is our famous local-- the Cardinal, and I believe the other is a goldfinch?














But let me tell you who else has been visiting:




















The sheer muscle strength to hold himself up in that position!















Not only has he consistently emptied the entire feeder within a few hours, but the other day he chewed right through the rope causing the whole thing to tumble to the ground. It seemed quite premeditated, I'm beginning to think that squirrels have a bit of intelligence??

Know Thyself ... and the Gospel

What does "knowing yourself" have to do with the gospel?

And how is it not just an individualistic, Western, self-centeredness?

Someone asked me this question lately, and I thought it was worthy of some reflection. Here are my thoughts.

-It’s about LOVE. A person without a accurate view of themself, who gives out of ‘should’, out of a need for the affirmation of others, out of seeking to meet biblical standards in their own effort, is NOT freely loving, even if it appears so from the outside. Is giving out of ‘should’ better than not giving at all? “Man looks at the outer appearance but God looks at the heart.” Just as God did not desire sacrifices, but a humble spirit and repentant heart.

-This person described above is in serious danger of living a life of legalism & self-righteousness, and/or, on the flip side, self-condemnation and shame. These are enemies of the gospel.

-It’s about awareness, “know thyself” as Dr. Hannah and Calvin would say. Someone who does not know themselves (but has allowed themselves to be defined by everyone else) cannot know God very deeply, and surely doesn’t truly praise Him or need Him, because they don’t know their own dignity or depravity.

-Knowing your dignity- A person with a solid sense of self CAN lead to a profound level of worship, because you come to appreciate the unique ways you have been designed by God to serve His people. This person can serve, not from duty, but from a sense of deep joy and passion in the ways of His design.

-Knowing your depravity. Here’s a big one. A person who does not know themselves will have a shallow appreciation of their fallenness, and therefore of the gospel. Surely this is a lifetime process and we all grow in understanding our sinfulness over time. But a growing sense of self will lead to a growing awareness of selfishness, brokenness, etc… in the midst of the dignity, that can bring a growing awareness of grace.

It is a mistake to think that “defining yourself” is contrary to living sacrificially. Actually it is only a person who knows well the depths of their depravity and the glory of their God-given dignity who can live dependent upon grace instead of a false self, and freely give themselves away.

This is why “know thyself” is critical to the gospel.

Six Flags Adventure

As a part of a summer reading program, the girls won tickets to Six Flags! But they had to be used before the start of school, so we had a day of fun. Honestly, I was SO dreading the heat. But the clouds rolled in that morning and it was like 80 degrees! So fun and unexpected for August!





















































Their favorite was the log ride, and I'm so glad we finally convinced Ellie to go... because I really wanted to ride too! :)














For anyone who knows Ellie's fear issues, I was shocked she'd put her head in there!

Summer Pics 4

This is the last of our CO cabin pics. This is an ordinary hummingbird feeder. I couldn't find any solution, and then K said, "It's just sugar and water, mom." Right. So we mixed up some, and the hummingbirds came in mass numbers! We went through 4 of these containers in less than 48 hrs!! If you look carefully, you'll see 6 hummingbirds in this pic!!



















I love the pic of this doe poised next to the no hunting sign :)














Our last picnic of the week...



















We went on a short hike and there was a lovely waterfall at the end!



















































Goodbye, Colorado. We'll miss you!

Well, That's All Folks...

No, I'm not done blogging, but this series has come to an end!

These "Bringing It All Together" posts began as a series written over the last 2 months, to consolidate the concepts I have been processing in my counseling program before I begin my internship. I started with the brain, but there was so much to say about neurology, it turned into its only mini-series! Most of these posts are my processed version of class notes practically applied. I tried to write about real people and real life, not principles up in the clouds. Many of these posts are “notes to self” open for your questions, comments, and challenge. I hope you found some thought-provoking, life-giving, hope-filled food-for-thought in this series!

Resources Referred to in this Series, in thought or quote:

Anatomy of the Soul, Curt Thompson

Couples in Conflict, Richardson

Emotional Resilience, Viscott

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Scazarro

Extraordinary Relationships, Gilbert

Family Crucible, Napier

Healing Path, Allender

Holding Hearts, Holding Hands, Phillips

Mindsight, Daniel Siegel

The Neuroscience of Human Relationships, Cozolino

Sexuality & Holy Longing, McMinn

To Be Told, Allender

If you are looking for more on a particular topic, or if you want to dialogue about any of this material, please email me at traciekwallace@gmail.com. I have also put all these posts together in one pdf document which I am happy to share.