Yes, this WAS a fascinating class!
Now mind you, the population of our class is full of couples who met, dated, and fell in love overseas. Dr. C was trying to convince us that none of us really "fell in love"! Rather, we followed the principles that cause two people to feel intimate. What makes people feel intimate? Vulnerability. You share new and novel experiences together and talk about. You come overseas together--you eat dumplings for breakfast, take a rickshaw ride, fumble over language mistakes, and fight the post office to hand over your package. You share these new things with another person, you talk about feeling lost and scared, etc...and voila! --you feel connected.
Later after you are married, you settle into your normal life and stop doing and sharing about new things together. And you stop feeling close. God wired our nervous systems to respond to new experiences. We need to have shared experiences in order to remain close.
This feels pretty simplistic to me (of course there are others I've met overseas whom I'd never get in a rickshaw with!), but the principle feels true. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and that takes cultivation.
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1 comment:
Great insight, Tracie! It really takes a lot of work to keep being vulnerable with people over time. Thanks for sharing!
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