Soul Care #27: Parenting II

Parenting continued...

Kids are always asking 2 questions:
1) Am I loved? To this, the parent must always answer YES!
2) Can I do whatever I want? To this, the parent must always answer NO!

Families that have high nurture and little to no structure/discipline are damaging. (More typically American pattern.)

Families that have high structure and little to no nurture are damaging. (More typical Chinese pattern.)

Families that have no structure and no love are extremely damaging.

When we advocate/look for a certain parenting model, we tend to pick a book/method that fits our own personality or style. But the opposite is what we probably need: A high structure family needs a book about nurture. A high nurture family needs a book about structure. We must have a balance of the two. Cultures (see Chinese & American examples above), denominations (think of how a structured liturgical Presbyterian would likely parent, as opposed to a Charismatic!) etc... also tend to advocate certain formulas for parenting, and you need to be aware of these.

Thus, in order to be wise in your own parenting, you must know yourself. Do you tend towards nurture, or order? I.E.--If you are an introverted, realistic oriented parent, know & account for the fact that your extroverted, idealistic child will require a lot of energy from you!!!

And you must know your individual kids.

As you spend time with your kids, pay attention to what speaks love to them, not to you.

Introverted children need consistent time without the requirement of much interaction. They need time to prepare for change. If you are faithful and consistent with them, then they WILL come to you when they have something to say.

An idealistic child needs a parent who will let them dream and not always pull them down from the clouds, even as they need help to finish what they start. (This is so Kathryn!) A realistic child needs to be given structure and schedule, even as they need help to learn to dream and use their imagination.

Parent towards their need. There is no formula!