Honesty in Relationships

Sometimes the truth seems like a slippery concept.

If someone asked you if you had 6 cookies for breakfast, then truth, though embarrassing to admit, seems objective and measurable. It's right there around your waistline.

But if someone asked you if everything is OK between you, well then the truth just got a lot fuzzier. True words can be spoken in the wrong way, at the wrong time, or to the wrong person-- and that can make truth quite tricky to get your arms around. And still, what the truth even is can be quite difficult in the realm of emotions!

Here's what one Psychologist concluded about "truth-telling" in the counseling room. Dr. Zink said this is the best book on emotional well-being that we won't be asked to read during our program. From Emotional Resilience by David Viscott:

"If you lived honestly, your life would heal itself…As I look back on three decades of helping patients to cope with stress and understand their disappointments, this statement stands out as a singular truth. In nearly all the breakthroughs I have seen, it was the acceptance of some previously concealed truth that allowed healing to begin…The principal directive (of counseling) was to help the person become more truthful about his feelings. Being a counselor was a lot like begin a choreographer of emotions… The essence of family therapy came down to helping to raise the level of truth in communication between family members."

"It became clear that resolving most of life's difficulties required telling or hearing the truth. When a friendship went sour, it was usually because of a misunderstanding, a distortion of the facts. What friends yearned for was to have a chance to air the truth and set the matter straight. People's greatest regrets involved wishing they'd had the chance to tell the truth so someone could have known haw they really felt. When people said it was too late, they usually meant it was too late to tell the truth. The truth had power to heal, to protect, to guide. Living in truth was living free and at one's best."

"On the other hand, living in a lie eclipsed the joy of the world and lowered people's self-esteem. Concealing lies drained people's energy so they didn't have enough strength to do their best. It was harder to look out for themselves. When people lived in a lie, they seemed to invite trouble into their life rather than make it better."

Makes it sound so simple, doesn't he?

Part II on Thursday…