On Saturday the girls had their first expereince as flower girls at our friend Angela's wedding.
Wish I'd gotten a better view of the aisle but they were obviously having fun during their debut.
So many pictures!
Our job is done... now we can take it easy!
Ellie wanted her picture taken next to the cake :)
Since we didn't have enough sugar in the wedding cake or the cookies or the candies or the sugar drinks, the girls want to stop to get a "sugar fruit" stick on the way out the door.
Time to go home... Ellie hails a taxi :)
If you have young daughters, I highly recommend one of our favorite stories, Lily's Big Day, by Kevin Henkes. This book provides all the necessary inspiration and practice instructions for aspiring flower girls!!
My husband says this background is a little "busy." But I think it's bright and cheery and warm, and that's what we're imaging here. It really has been a sunny week for which I am grateful! But while you are looking out the window, the indoor heat gives you the impression that Spring is right around the corner... which is not quite the case. So last week the girls and I decided it would be encouraging to learn about all the places that are MUCH colder than here. Maybe you'd like to know...
In Vladivostok, Russia, it is 11 degrees F.
In Yellowknife, (Northern Territories Canada), is -29.
In Oslo, Norway, it's 3.
In Stockholm, Sweden, it's 4.
In Novosibirsk, Russia, it's -8.
In Nanavut, it's -35.
In Mermansk, it's -4.
In Nico, Antartica, it's -27.
There, doesn't that make you feel better?
I'll probably lose the backdrop after a few days but for now, I'm imagining the tropical vacation...
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Assumption #3: People are ambivalent. Assumption #4: Not all problems are 'solvable' Assumption #5: Good counseling is about lending hope. Assumption #6: Change often begins in a dramatic moment but real change is ongoing.
Assumption #7: Knowledge alone doesn't change.
Assumption #8: Emotions reveal our fundamental idols. Many traditions paint negative emotions as bad things to be slapped over with truth-- 'If I tell myself what is true, it will change the way I feel.' The problem is that this person is missing what their emotions are meant to reveal. Giving voice to your negative feelings is not the same as being ruled by them. The "service engine soon" light on your dashboard is not the problem with your car. It reveals the problem. Often we repent of the light, but never see the real problem. If you are apologizing for yelling at your spouse, but you do it over and over, you may be repenting of the light on the dash. Emotions help you see the 'sin under the sin.' Why is my heart angry? You have to get to the underneath question if you are really going to change.
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Assumption #3: People are ambivalent. Assumption #4: Not all problems are 'solvable' Assumption #5: Good counseling is about lending hope. Assumption #6: Change often begins in a dramatic moment but must continue in an ongoing process.
Assumption #7: Knowledge alone doesn't change. We often think that if we 'understand' our problem, it will go away. This is the assumption of a pure cognitive approach. 'If we give people all the right info, they will change...' Knowledge of doctrine doesn't change people. God changes people. You may have significant insight and know exactly what a person needs to hear, and you may deliver it in a loving and winsome way, but if God doesn't show up in your conversation, nothing will happen.
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Assumption #3: People are ambivalent. Assumption #4: Not all problems are 'solvable' Assumption #5: Good counseling is about lending hope.
Assumption #6: Change often begins in a dramatic moment but must continue in an ongoing process. Beware of the story that claims complete freedom as a result of a conference or single event. Don't mistake the dramatic moment for the ongoing healing process. After Jesus heals Lazarus, he still must be 'unbound and let go.' Sometimes we make dramatic decisions during a weekend or retreat, but there is no follow-up. We feel freedom at first, because something a secret we've carried has finally been shared. Then that person comes in the counseling office and says "I don't need to meet anymore." But their journey has just begun. Think of the parable of the strong man. The house has been swept clean, but the Lord of that house hasn't been determined yet. Good counsel will continue to walk alongside.
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Assumption #3: People are ambivalent. Assumption #4: Not all problems are 'solvable.' Assumption #5: Good Counseling is about lending hope. When a person seeks counsel from you, it is because they have limited faith and hope. They may come into your office having lost a relationship, or lost a loved one, or lost a dream, but more fundamentally, they have lost hope. They borrow these from you until they face the struggle and/or repent of what they need to so they can live as a person with renewed hope. When there are tears in your eyes over their heartache, and yet you carry it deep in your soul that we have a redeeming God, deeply believing that there is not one person, situation, or sin that cannot be redeemed for His glory, you renew their hope that He is good and the gospel's promises are really true. Being a counselor is giving faith and hope for a season until they have it deeply rooted again within themselves.
Haven't we all been on both ends of this conversation? This doesn't seem to be just for the counselor, but also the parent, the spouse, the child and the friend!
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Assumption #3: People are ambivalent.
Assumption #4: Not all problems are solvable, at least not in the way we define it. There are some struggles and heartaches without resolution in this life. We have a hard time swallowing this, because we think God wouldn't want us to face a hard struggle for a long time! But some things won't be better until heaven. This doesn't mean God isn't working, but many times He is working to draw you to Himself, not to relieve your struggle. And many times God does show up and work miracles in relationships and situations. But if you don't acknowledge that this doesn't always happen, you won't counsel for long. Some stories are too hard. And because of that...
(stay tuned for the next one... this was probably my favorite take away from the whole class!)
Assumption #1: Behavior is purposeful. Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships.
Assumption #3: People are ambivalent. People want to get better, and they don't want to get better. Maybe you want a better relationship with someone, but you fear what it would cost you to be honest. So you recognize you both desire and run from hope.
Hope is dangerous. Consider Jesus by the pool of Bethesda. Jesus finds a man whose life is practically over. Jesus asks him, "Do you want to be well?" When the man responds with an excuse instead of a resounding "yes," we see that he has become accustomed to and defined by his struggle. He has turned the way he has protected himself become his friend rather than something to walk away from. We see this too in the slaves of Egypt. They want to be free, and yet want to return to captivity.
In every human, in every culture, in every organization and company, there is both dignity and depravity. Then tension between the two makes people ambivalent. A lot of counseling approaches look at only one of these. Are you the sinner? Or are you the Beloved? You are both.
Assumption #2: Change happens in relationships. Real change doesn't happen alone. It is lived out in relationships with others. Relationships got you in trouble, and relationships will heal you. In the incarnation, we see that God redeems by sending Himself. The Trinity also is about relationships--God in relationship with Himself. If I am made in His image, then I am made to be connected with others and to Him.
How do you measure how much trouble someone is in? Is it harming their relationships? It needs attention. Are they living in the truth and telling themselves the truth about their relationships? Unhealthy people have unhealthy relationships and don't tell themselves the truth.
So my question is... How do you speak the truth to someone who is not living in reality and doesn't want to hear the truth? My thought is first, you have to be a person who lives authentically in relationships yourself! (So much easier to see it in someone else, don't you think?) Then, I'm thinking a good counselor could winsomely surface the need that draws someone to hunger for the hard but loving word. Your thoughts?
Here were our prof's thoughts about the assumptions he has before he walks into a counseling conversation:
Behavior is purposeful. God’s actions are purposeful, and as beings in His image, ours are too. Everything a person does will make sense if you understand the context. You do things for a reason. These are not 'excuses' or taking responsibility away from that person, but you are seeking to understand what is under their behavior.
If there is a behavior you say you want to change, but can’t seem to stop, there is often a more important goal underneath that behavior that is driving your actions. For example, if you have a messy desk, perhaps you don’t want people to expect much of you because you feel overwhelmed. Or if you have a hyper-clean house, maybe you are trying to control a manageable part of your life because other more important things in your life are out of your control. When puzzled by someone’s behavior, you can ask—“What would make this make sense?” Unless you figure out why that behavior is ‘working’ for them (or you!), there won’t be much change.
Last week I had the privilege of attending a counseling class offered by a great program in the US. No, I didn’t go to the US—they came to us! To help me keep chewing on my notes, I thought I’d write out some “Soul Care Thoughts” that you may enjoy too…
The Gap between Calling and Condition
We all have a gap in our lives between what/who God has called us to be, and how we actually live out our bottom line beliefs. Some call this what we “say we believe” and what we “really believe.” Or you may think of it as areas of our lives where the gospel’s promises have not yet permeated our hearts. And we all have strategies we use to deal with this gap… Here are 3 common ways of dealing with the gap:
1)Compulsive and compliant. If I try really hard, I can ‘stop doing that.’ If I work really hard, I can force myself by virtue of good discipline to do what I ‘should do.’ But these types will eventually tire out.
2)Lowering expectations. These types are distant and defiant; actively or passively angry… “I can’t do it; I won’t try.” Eventually they tire everyone else out who tries to rescue them, fix them, etc… but they can’t.
3)Minimize the gap—it doesn’t exist. This is the party person who asks “What gap?” These people are always happy but don’t seem authentic; their lives and vanilla, dutiful, boring with no impact.
If you pretend there is no gap, you don’t need the gospel.
“An honest discussion of a soul will never be boring, because God doesn’t write boring stories.”
I'm leaving in the morning (weather permitting, as it's snowing now!) for another city to take a counseling course for this coming week. I'm really excited about this on many scores, the least of which include escaping the sub-zero temperatures forecasted this week. High's in the mid 50's where I'm headed!! This class is offered by a school that offers a stellar program in this field, and it's the first class I've taken since Dallas. So I am thrilled for challenging, mind-engaging, heart-engaging, learning and conversations!
Thanks to my sweet hubby for encouraging me to take advantage of this opportunity, and will be playing Mr. Mom for the next 6 days!
We've settled in Saint Louis the last two years after a 10 year adventure in Asia. We have two daughters, 7 & 9, that are our constant joy and sanctification! We want to live life to the full--full of trust in God's goodness and rest in His infinite love.
