Where Do You Run?

All the tell-tale signs were present. Difficulty falling asleep, waking with anxious thoughts in the middle of the night, replaying past conversations in my head, imagining future ones with both glowing and dooming results. The fear of man.

What are common fears you tend to trip over? Failure? Rejection? Disappointment? Tragedy? Things you cannot control? Being unprepared? Financial distress? Others opinions? The list goes on and on! In a given week, if I'm honest, I believe my heart jumps to all of these places!

I was recently encouraged by some insights from Luke 8--I'm not the only one. Everyone in this chapter is afraid!

-The disciples are afraid of the storm on the Sea of Galilee; and then they are afraid of Jesus' power over the seas.

-The demons are afraid that Jesus will throw them into the abyss.

-The crowds are afraid of Jesus' power over demons and beg Him to leave.

-The hemorrhaging woman comes trembling before Jesus when she has been discovered.

-Jairus's family is afraid their daughter will die.

Do you see it? Everyone is afraid. What sets some apart is not whether they are fearful, but what they do with their fear. Some come to Jesus with their fears, and others run away from Him.

Some run to Jesus with their fear:
-Despite their fears of the storm, the disciples come to Jesus for help.
-Despite her fear of being found out, the bleeding woman falls down before Jesus.
-Despite their fears of their daughter's death, they beg Jesus to help.

Some run away from Jesus in fear:
-The demons beg to be sent away from Him.
-The people who see Jesus cast out demons beg Him to leave their region.

Faith is not about the absence of fear, but what do I do with it? The question seems to be--do I let fear draw me toward Him, or send me running from Him? Here seems the fundamental difference between Peter and Judas. Both were afraid and denied Him. But Judas ran away to make himself right, and Peter humbly came toward Him to receive.

When every person encounters the possibility of freedom in an area of fear, the expression of unmerited grace, there is often a fundamental disbelief. This is too good. I'm too ugly. I've done nothing to deserve this. Or the flip side of the coin--I don't need this. I can be good on my own. In that moment, do I run towards grace to receive, or away from it? All of life is a journey where I am either running toward Him or away from Him. Everyday there is a choice, over and over again, to move toward the One I fear... that would free me... or to run away and remain in bondage.

So Long, Snowballs

Per request, here are the pics from our last snow, March 14. It looks like we are having fun, but it took every volitional bone in my body to take the girls out in that snow. The only thing that made it celebratory, was that it was the LAST snow. Despite my poor attitude, I do think our snow girl is pretty darn cute :)



















































































And I am happy to report, as of yesterday, first sprigs of green grass on the ground!

Back in the Saddle

Well, my weekly "site reading" tells me that my visitors are down to a measly 3 per day! So, to my 3 faithful readers, thanks for hanging on:) It has been nearly 3 weeks, or I suppose exactly 3 weeks, since I have posted. Nothing long today, but just a few snippets to get my writing muscles back in shape.

-Jim's and my 2 week 'experiment' (thus my blogging hiatus) was really yummy for my soul. More on that to come.

-The day after that finished, I went to visit my dear friend Amy who lives in another city here in Asia, which we also happened to live in... 10 years ago. It was already Spring there! Great reconnection time (also with my first China roommate Tammy who lives there too) and thankful to be able to travel easily with the girls!

-That day we left, where you heard about sandstorms in the news... it really was that nasty. Came home to thick caked sand on the indoor balcony (The one with sealed windows!)

-Nana requests pictures, any pictures she says... but unfortunately I failed to snap a single shot on our recent trip. I do have some snowlady pics from the snow last Monday... and a few from the science museum last Thursday. Will get on that.

-After almost 3 years living in this city, I mailed my first letter from the post office today. Isn't that pathetic? Maybe it was former post office trauma from my early China years? There are always people traveling back to the US and to other cities, so I've always just found someone to carry mail for me. Actually, it wasn't even my letter, but I was helping a friend, or I never would have had the impetus to go. But I have to say, it was actually not stressful at all. So maybe you loved ones could actually receive a real letter, with a real Chinese stamp on it from us?!? Probably not :)

-Just finished a great SKYPE with my hubby, and he arrives home tomorrow night! The girls are sleeping with mommy tonight... And I'm headed to bed now.

-And yes, I WILL finish the soul care series!

Blogging Break

You already know, I like to process my life through writing. Lately it feels there are so many things I have wanted to write about that haven't yet materialized on the blog. I still have several posts to go on the soul care series that I will finish! :) But for the next two weeks, I'm taking a blogging break...and facebook, and slowing down regular email responses.

---
Copied from Jim's email:

Tracie and I will be embarking on an spiritual exercise for the next two weeks. We will still carry on a moderate work load inside and outside the home. At the same time, we will employ a more structured way of seeking of God during this 15-day period, using a variety of resources and traditional disciplines—in the context of grace, faith, hope and love. We will not engage in any intense commitments during this time, and will also lay aside some otherwise-good-but-encumbering activities.

Primarily, our goal is to cultivate deeper communion with God. Secondarily, we desire to better connect with God, ourselves and His creation together as a couple.

We welcome your intercession for us—that we would discover Him afresh as a Provider, Counselor and Satisfier who is worthy to be sought and praised with our whole being.

Much love in the Savior, Jim for the Wallace clan

---

See you again soon!

Tracie

Soul Care #23: Approaching Addiction

Addiction, cont...

How do you think about approaching addiction?
1) From the top- Buying time with a bailout. This is helping a person find accountability, helping the person get plugged in with a support group, removing the addictive substance. But if you only bail out, the addiction will return.

2) From the bottom- If you only deal with behavioral intervention, the boat still goes down. They may ditch this addiction for another. Why did they choose this addiction over another? What is the root of dissatisfaction in their life? What is this substance/activity, etc... providing for you?

Just as with anxiety and personality disorders, there is a biological component that makes some more susceptible to addictions. A person is still responsible for their behavior, but that is a factor.

How do you talk with a friend about an addiction?
1) In the office, we help a person be reflective by setting up a vulnerable environment. Turn off the cell phone, make it private, set up no physical blocks between you and that person.

2) PRAY for understanding and curiosity about their heart. If you give off an "I already know what's wrong with you" attitude, very little can take place in your conversation.

3) Body language matters. Face them squarely, lean forward, maintain eye-contact. You learn a lot by looking into their eyes; sometimes even more than what they say. Learn to read a person's eyes.

4) Read the non-verbals of your friend. Their eyes, their skin, their posture... Are they nervous? Restless and fidgety? Excessively agitated? Excessively soft-spoken?

5) Reflective listening- Ask question to understand and not solve their problems. They have already tried the first things you can think of. Don't say "I know how you feel" Don't over plan your response. Invite further discussion.

Soul Care #22: Common Addictions

Addictions, cont. : Common addictions & what is behind them

Pornography- Feels to many an efficient way to provide relief. Women are also becoming more addicted to porn. It trains you to see a person as a commodity, separating the person from their body. You can have an experience without the responsibilities of relationship. It promises you will feel more sexual and alive, but it has the opposite impact of what it promises. You feel less human, less sexual, less alive.

Workaholism- Essentially this works the same way. You think you will gain more respect and become more passionate about what you do. You actually lose respect and come to despise your work. Or you think that you can avoid areas of struggle and weakness by pouring all your time in things that make you feel competent. When you are working hard, you don't have to struggle with feeling lonely or lost because you have so much work to do. Sometimes people who are stuck in this cycle cannot see what affect this is having on key relationships. They feel like, "Don't you appreciate what I'm doing for you?" But they do not see that work is their escape, not about giving to others.

Computer addiction- People don't do a great job of drawing a line between a fantasy world of internet games and real life. Thus, people turn to computerized versions of relationships they desire. Currently, psychological journals are exploring this more recent addiction; A current lawsuit is debated for someone who reported being 'abused' during a computer game. This person really internalized this relationship and was exhibiting symptoms as if this really happened in their real life, because she had lost the sense of boundary between fantasy and reality. Most of us don't become involved to this degree, but sometimes what begins as a simple computer game turns into a way to find closure in a world where we have no answers or feel unsuccessful. Or a platform like facebook or twitter allows us to present ourselves in a way that we wish people would see us.

We all have propensities to meet our needs in other ways than dependence upon God. Pornography is predictable. The affects of caffeine, alcohol, the simple success of winning a computer game are predictable. How predictable is God?

Soul Care #21: Signs of Addiction

Are you hanging in there with me in this series? Does anyone else think this is fascinating? :) The slower season of life that Chinese New Year afforded is over, so it will be challenging to keep up these regular posts. But I'm committed to finish what I started (which is something I am desperately trying to teach my Kathryn!)

Addictions

We normally think of addictions to alcohol or drugs, but there are many other 'socially acceptable' addictions that damage our souls. (Caffeine, tobacco, computer games, work, pornography, sugar, shopping, blogging! facebooking!, yes- all and many more can be addictions...) An addiction is an idolatrous relationship with any thing, person, idea, or substance, that numbs the pain of the fallen world and falsely provides us relief and/or revenge. It is a refusal to struggle and to sorrow. Addiction will give you a lot, but it will not provide love. You begun using something, and then it begins using you.

Signs of Addiction

1) Tolerance- It takes more of the same thing to get the same result. I used to be happy with one (cup of coffee, drink, cigarette, etc...) but now I need 3.

2) Withdraw symptoms- You pay the price when you try to stop. You feel anxious unless you have it/do it. You do it/use it, and you feel better.

3) Negative consequences don't change behavior- For example, only 40% of 1st time DUI offenses are by alcoholics. After the first offense, if it causes a person to stop drinking, they aren't addicted. But if they keep using even though they are putting themselves and others in danger, they are likely addicted. 2nd and 3rd DUI offenses are increasingly by alcoholics.

4) Focused attention- Obsessive thoughts about that thing. You plan how and when to use it next. You plan your life around it, think about it all the time. It's not a pleasurable extra to you; It's something you will really miss if you can't have it.

5) Deadening of the soul- When you use it/do it, you feel like it doesn't matter; It allows you to 'check out' of your life.

6) Entitlement- You feel you deserve this little pleasure. Without Christ intervening and growing you in humility, you will feel entitled to the level you have 'sacrificed'. Entitlement is fertile grounds for addiction. "I deserve this after the day I've had!"

7) Denial- You tell yourself you can stop this anytime, but you don't.

We all have tendencies toward addiction... do you know yours?

more on addictions tomorrow...

Feb Fam Fun

This last week we took some vacation time at a hotel about 1 1/2 hrs from our city. It would have been easier to stay in town, but it was really important to me to leave town! I'm so glad we did. We have talked about going to Malaysia or Singapore or Thailand on our next visa trip, but I think you need a vacation when it's the middle of the LONG winter! There were almost NO other guests there. Such a nice treat!

The pool was the big attraction! There were 3 indoor pools, 1 adult and 2 kid size. We spent every morning at the pool.


































Bowling was a big flop. It's harder than I remembered for a 5/6 year old to get a heavy ball down the lane to hit anything. But we were happy at the start.















Horsebackriding, on the other hand, was a big hit!



















No, I'm not trying to show off my egg head jacket, but that cheesy Ellie grin!! :)






































K especially enjoyed it, and GG, hoped you'd pass along to Ms. Linda, that she is now a "qi ma zhuan jia", that means "horse riding expert."















Here was the view out our window. A lovely, albiet frozen, winding river. Hey wait, where's the smoke stack? Where's the subway and the traffic?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.











See the pagoda in the last picture? Here's a daddy pic with the girls from up there.



















There was also a 100 meter ski slope. I thought that meant the hill was 100 meters tall. No, it meant that from the top to the bottom of the slope was 100 meters. Here are the girls pretending they are skiing down, and a view of the unusual architecture of the building.



















To contrast the frigid temps, there was also a greenhoused tropical garden; it didn't feel like we were inside, but we were... it had lovely fountains, palm trees and berry bushes.






































All in all, a great vacation!

Soul Care #20: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Anxiety continued...

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessions are thoughts or ideas that you cannot stop thinking about. Compulsions are those things you do to calm yourself. The DSM (standard measure of psychological disorders) defines a person with OCD as one who is affected by these obsessive/compulsive patterns for more than 1 1/2 hrs a day. OCD comes from a commitment to control and to create order.

When you see yourself reacting in compulsive ways, (because don't we all do this at times?) you need to stop and ask yourself, what am I really longing for that is not being met? Don't 'go underground' with your issues, even if others don't recognize them. Realize initially that when you choose to stop the compulsive behavior, your anxiety will go up, not down.

If you are seeking to help a person recognize their strategies, the person may initially perceive that you are against them rather than for them. Be very careful when you pull the rug out from under a person's strategies, because they may not yet be ready and you may not know what is under their contorl issues.

For a child who is responding in compulsive ways, the parent must work to replace the behavior with the security of relationship.

For an adult, what begins to change a person's compulsive behavior is realizing the cost their choices are having on others they care about. You must give up the role of trying to fix and take care of them in ways that enable their behavior. At the right time, He can use your courage of honestly communicating your sorrow over their choices to change them.

Soul Care #19: Panic Attacks

Anxiety continued

Panic attacks are another manifestation of anxiety. They are a real physiological phenomenon that feels like a heart attack. They usually look like raised blood pressure, increased heart rate, feelings of breathlessness, tightness in the throat, sweating. It is the body's reaction to significant stress, not usually from a direct trigger but a past one. It is the result of a build up that the body can't physically taken anymore. It usually lasts 5-6 minutes, and then it's over. It is highly embarrassing for them because they truly feel out of control of their own body.

A minor example of this is like what happened when you pushed yourself in college during finals. You put up it as long as you need to, and afterwards you get sick. The body cannot avoid eventually reacting to pent-up stress in some physical way.

To help a friend in the middle of an attack, get them to breathe with you slowly. Acknowledge their anxiety. Help them relax, close their eyes, think about restful places. Later on when they are able to talk, don't be afraid to discuss it openly with them. Sometimes people who have had attacks panic about future panic, become reclusive and pull away so they won't be embarrassed again. When you speak it outloud, it doesn't have the same overpowering effect. You can help them think about what a previous triggering event to the onset of stress may have been.

Soul Care #18: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Anxiety continued...

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder used to be called Combat Fatigue, as it was first diagnosed from early data of soldiers who never fully 'came back' from battle. Their lives afterwards centered around avoidance, experience of flashbacks and dreams, highly reactive, and unable to sustain relationships.

Yet this phenomenon describes not just soldiers, but also others who experience life-threatening situations that were out of their control. People generally deal with stress by either 'fight' or 'flight.' But if you are a soldier who cannot run and cannot fight at that moment, the trauma of the event sometimes becomes 'frozen' inside. It will eventually thaw and return to the surface.

In WWII, there were low numbers of PTSD sufferers. In Vietnam and Iraq, there were high occurences of PTSD. Research showed that WWII soldiers who returned home on boats where they had time to share their stories and heal the frozen parts. They were also recieved home as heroes. Vietnam vets were criticized and told to hide. They were also sent home on planes and immediately returned to their homes with none who had experienced their stress.

The 'cure' is to thaw. Yet this is extremely scary because they are committed to not reliving painful memories. Sometimes God in his grace allows a person to forget until they are ready to deal with it. Thus, remembering is a sign that they are getting better, not worse.

How about anxiety medication?
Just like in depression, sometimes people DO need physical help to reset their body's chemicals. Yet just like when taking medication for depression, a person cannot resolve their difficulties with medicine alone.

The Western view of the body is much more inclined to 'fix' problems with medication. We don't tend to think about how lifestyle choices, schedules, exercise, healthy diets, etc... factor into a person's overall well-being. We can also tend to segment what is spiritual. We think reading our Bible and asking to be filled with the Spirit should provide what we need, but we fail to consider how to care for our bodies, minds, and spirits as an integrated whole.

For Lynn

My friend Lynn passed away today. She had battled cancer for over 2 years, but the last weeks of her life passed more quickly than anyone anticipated. 12 days ago, she was given 3-6 months to live. I wanted to write her and her husband a letter. It seemed I had awhile to do that, but the tone of her husband John's updates was feeling more immanent, and I felt I shouldn't wait. I wrote them a letter this morning and left it on my desktop to send when I got home from church today. When I logged on to send it, I learned that she died this morning. As a tribute to her life, I share their letter with you.

Dear John & Lynn,

I keep fumbling around for the right words to say to express my heart to you both. I think of you when I awake in the middle of the night and I am impressed to bring your faces to our Father throughout the day.

Our lives have been so sweetly touched by your care as our stories have intersected. You were as a rock to us in the storms of Singapore. The kind wisdom and words of encouragement to Jim in conflict, and to me as a young mom looking for my place, have been treasures to us. Our reconnections here in China as well have always been a joy to our souls. The girls will always remember you as the ones who brought them Cadbury chocolate eggs at Easter :) You are both so gifted by the Lord, cherishers of Life, mentors and cheerleaders for so many throughout the globe.

And even in this dark journey, your lives have been offering much guidance to me. I know you are weak and needy, but what exudes from you is His quiet confidence and courage. Lynn you have truly “Been Well While You’re Ill.” As I was reflecting with the Lord this morning I realized something about your struggle. There is a good fighting for life, a "fighting the good fight", and another restless and ambivalent kind. You are fighting the good fight, but you are resting, resting, resting. And it is beautiful, and free. You are not resting in the hope of healing. You are trusting in the One who heals. There is a big difference.

Jim and I were watching The Two Towers last night. Sam’s words to Froto at the end of that movie seemed to me a picture of your struggle.

“I can’t do this Sam.”

“I know. It’s all wrong, by rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stoires, Mr. Froto. The ones that really matter. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when it shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stay with you; that meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. I think Mr. Froto, I do understand. Folk in those stories had lots of chances to turn back only they didn’t. They kept going. Because there were holding onto something.”

“What are we holding onto Sam?”

“That there’s some Good in this world, Mr. Froto, and it’s worth fighting for.”

You are treasured by the One who is good. Thank you for fighting the fight, dear friends, with restful hearts. Praise to Him who enables and strengthens and holds you fast. We know, it is Him.

With love and gratefulness,

Tracie

Soul Care #17: Anxiety

Anxiety Disorders

ROOTS: We don't control the things that most matter to us. I can't control if my loved ones will be alive tomorrow, or if my kids will be ridiculed today, or how long I will live... When BIG things in life are worrysome, you grow anxious. Anxiety is always tied to control. (Ok, I want to say that again, and ponder it a minute more. Anxiety is ALWAYS tied to control.)

In the US after 9/11, the US expereinced the daily worry of the rest of the world when we realized that we were wrong to assume "something like that would never happen here." Anxiety disorders spiked. The national sense of being in control was exposed. So, if you can't win a big battle, then you will fight little ones instead.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is about control. All of us have these tendencies at times, but some of us express them in ways that are more strange than others. If I wash my hands continually, I feel I can control. (More about OCD on another day.)

We know we're 'supposed' to say that God is in control. Yes, we should become enamored with the One who is in control. But to push a person to trust who doesn't even understand their anxiety isn't helpful. Some respond with stoicism. "It really isn't that big a deal." But a healthy person acknowledges how terrified they are, and learns to move towards Him in that.

Again, biology comes into play. Gender, brain chemistry, hormones, etc... all come into play. When biology is involved, it's very unhelpful to throw around spiritual ideals.

Men's desires to be valued can be found lots of cheaper ways, like through work, sports activities, or something silly like who can burp the loudest. Women's desirse to be valued and delighted in are usually more visceral and causes many women to grasp after things that aren't available. Control can look passive or aggressive.

You can ask this person questions to help them identify what they are trying to control or what areas of their life feel out of control. Many controlling habits come from dutiful, unconscious vows made when they were young... "I will never be embarrassed/ controlled/ wrong, etc... like that again."

More on anxiety coming...

Soul Care #16: Impact of Identity

The Impact of Identity

In Genesis 17, God essentially says to Abraham, "I see you differently now. I want you to see you differently." How you see God, and how you see yourself, will deeply impact you. We were made to be free and alive, and those things that make you 'feel' most alive, even illigitimately, will draw you back.

God calls Abraham by a new name, thus giving him a new identity. Your name changes when you put your faith in Christ; you belong to another. An adopted son may cry all the time before AND after he is adopted, but everything changes for the child when he is adopted. Just as most slaves remained on the property of their masters after the end of the Civil War, so we too continue to live as slaves after we've been declared free.

In Roman law, you could legally disown a biological child, but you could never 'undo' a legal adoption. So when Paul says "You've been given the spirit of adoption as sons", the reader would have heard, "Now everything for you has changed forever."

Dr. C, "When I counsel someone I pray, "Let me see this person through your eyes and give me the courage to say what you show me... Let them live in the weight of their new name."

They must be reminded whose they are, because you will be faithful to who you really believe you belong to.

Midnight Fireworks

Yeah, I figured out the video thing. Just a 12 second clip of the midnight craziness on Chinese New Year's Eve.

(If you too have this problem, you can go to "settings" and near the bottom of the page select "old editor" and "save changes." It will restore your video icon to the toolbar.)