Soul Care #17: Anxiety

Anxiety Disorders

ROOTS: We don't control the things that most matter to us. I can't control if my loved ones will be alive tomorrow, or if my kids will be ridiculed today, or how long I will live... When BIG things in life are worrysome, you grow anxious. Anxiety is always tied to control. (Ok, I want to say that again, and ponder it a minute more. Anxiety is ALWAYS tied to control.)

In the US after 9/11, the US expereinced the daily worry of the rest of the world when we realized that we were wrong to assume "something like that would never happen here." Anxiety disorders spiked. The national sense of being in control was exposed. So, if you can't win a big battle, then you will fight little ones instead.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is about control. All of us have these tendencies at times, but some of us express them in ways that are more strange than others. If I wash my hands continually, I feel I can control. (More about OCD on another day.)

We know we're 'supposed' to say that God is in control. Yes, we should become enamored with the One who is in control. But to push a person to trust who doesn't even understand their anxiety isn't helpful. Some respond with stoicism. "It really isn't that big a deal." But a healthy person acknowledges how terrified they are, and learns to move towards Him in that.

Again, biology comes into play. Gender, brain chemistry, hormones, etc... all come into play. When biology is involved, it's very unhelpful to throw around spiritual ideals.

Men's desires to be valued can be found lots of cheaper ways, like through work, sports activities, or something silly like who can burp the loudest. Women's desirse to be valued and delighted in are usually more visceral and causes many women to grasp after things that aren't available. Control can look passive or aggressive.

You can ask this person questions to help them identify what they are trying to control or what areas of their life feel out of control. Many controlling habits come from dutiful, unconscious vows made when they were young... "I will never be embarrassed/ controlled/ wrong, etc... like that again."

More on anxiety coming...