The Fascinating Human Brain- Part 13: OH CRAP!

Go back and read the last 2 posts to follow this discussion...

There are two key reasons I imagine that some of you may be responding strongly to the last post.

1. You had a lousy relationship with your parents. Or you were adopted at age two or under. Or your dad left your mom (or vice versa) after you were born. Or you had a parent with an addiction or a personality disorder. And you are saying, "I can't believe how much sense this makes of my life." Or maybe you're just saying something inconsistent like... "I had a great relationship with my parents. I just don't remember much of my childhood. I don't quite get it." But you are intrigued.

or

2. You think you have surely messed your children up for life. You experienced post-partum depression. Or your parent died after your child was born. Or you went thru a divorce, or some other trauma during your child's first year of life. And you are mulling over the list thinking-- is my child's attachment avoidant? ambivalent? disorganized?

Let me encourage you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Siegel's research shows that the best predictor of a child's security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those experiences.

The stuff of your life story. If, for example, your mom and dad had a rough childhood, but never processed it and told themselves that everything was just fine, then that parent is likely to pass the harshness of their childhood onto you. But if your mom and dad had a rough childhood and yet were able to make sense of their experiences (tell the story truthfully, acknowledging the impact of both good and bad), then they are able to offer a secure attachment to you.

In other words, having difficult experiences early in life is less important than whether we've found a way to make sense of how those experiences have affected us. An adult who recognizes internal struggle and processes it can develop an "earned secure" attachment despite less than optimal experiences in childhood.

If your story is inconsistent ("I really don't remember much of my childhood, but it was really "good" and didn't have much of an impact on me") or your story is dismissing ("Well, my brother died when I was little [or my dad was an alcoholic; or my parents got divorced when I was 6, etc., etc.] but it just really wasn't a big deal") then you may need some help to put together your story.

And that's exactly what a good counselor can help you to do.

It all goes back to a quote I wrote about at the beginning of the year. "If you lived honestly, your life would heal itself." -- (David Viscott) And that sounds a lot like "The truth will set you free" to me!

This is my last post about the brain for now, but you might be wondering, "What does the brain have to do with bringing people to Jesus?" That's a great question. If we are to live as holistic people, with bodies-minds-souls-hearts-emotions connected, then it stands to reason that understanding more about the brain provides an important puzzle piece. This doesn't mean that Seigel's research is determinative. He's just landed upon some fascinating research that only validates our relational design in the image of God.

So, having dived into one element of personhood, I'm going to widen the lens. And that's where I'm headed next!