The Risky Path of Boris and Max

This last week in homeschool, we’ve studied a story called Another Celebrated Dancing Bear by Gladys Scheffrin-Falk. It’s a story about 2 bear friends, Max and Boris. Boris is jealous because Max has a job dancing in the Russian circus which Boris would like to have. Boris tells Max how he feels, and Max treats him graciously. Max teaches him how to dance, and they get to perform together. Heart-warming little story.

As I was reading it with the girls last week, we noticed two key responses—

First, Boris was honest with Max about his struggle.

Second, Max treated his honesty with grace.

Simple enough, right? Easy to do...follow these simple steps... Sure! (??) There was an assumed trust between then that enabled their honest communication. Something could have gone awry at either point. If Boris didn't share with Max how he was feeling, Max couldn't know how to help him, and bitterness could have crept in. If Max didn't treat his honesty graciously, he would shut Boris down and harbor anger.

The story hit home especially for Kathryn who was bemoaning a friend who hurt her feelings. Here I was, suggesting that my 6 year old approach her friend and actually tell her how she felt. How often does the 35 year old follow this simple pattern?, I wondered. You see, it's much more than just deciding to follow good advise. There are hindrances, aches, wounded egos, and pain avoidance--(deep matters of the heart)--that keep us from living with vulnerable honesty in our relationships.

It seems to me that women especially struggle with this simple integrity in our relationships.

Raise your hand out there if you want to be characterized by grace, believing the best of others, and pursuing the heart. Of course, we do! And yet, as women, there are likely tendencies towards misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and assuming others aren't willing our best...

Someone recently make a comment about your child? About their kid's progress compared to yours? Comment about your kid's school or extracurricular activites? About your lack of participation in something? Comment about your parenting? Comment about how they parent which felt like an accusation? Comment about your husband? About a fun event you weren't invited to? Someone's Facebook status gave you a twinge of pop-up anger? Ever heard someone offer another a compliment you felt they didn't deserve? Or you deserved more? Ever felt unappreciated while you were serving? Someone else acknowledged instead? Oh, yeah, you're starting to feel it, aren't you? You know those little grudges I'm talking about, don't you?

Here’s the way it might happen to me. (Of course I'm painting a hypothetical scenario because I have NEVER actually done this. And I have NEVER lied, either.) Someone says something that strikes me the wrong way. My feelings are hurt. But just a little bit. So I begin to hold a grudge. But just a ‘little bity’ one, I tell myself. I tell myself that it’s no big deal, but when I see you, it is there. Just a little bit. But because I haven’t dealt with my own heart, I cannot love you. And if I think I might need to have that conversation with you, I probably do. I imagine this can take 1000 varied forms based on circumstances, personality and background. But I also imagine that if I (hypothetically) struggle with this, I might not (theoretically) be the only one.

Maybe this post is really just for me. If so, thanks for hearing me out. But maybe some others of you have sensed "bity" dissensions in certain relationships that you have never dealt with. Want to dance in the Russian circus? Let's examine our hearts. Let's struggle in the direction of integrity. Let's "deal with our stuff" before one another. Let's love boldly. Let's take the risky path of Boris and Max!