Today is Hannah's 9th birthday, and the first time that it has fallen on Easter.
This week has been a whirlwind. I had several assignments and tests on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday which were keeping my emotions at bay. But by Thursday, the fountains opened. The heartache of her approaching birthday always emerges like a poorly forecasted storm. You expected a light shower, but now there is flooding in your basement.
What to do, this year, for her birthday? This is always the question that never has a fulfilling answer...
But speaking of flooding, the flowers that the girls and I planted for Hannah last weekend are severely waterlogged... wave after wave of rain with more on its way.
On Saturday, we looked at her scrapbook together. I realized, as the box which holds her book was still taped up from our move, that I hadn’t looked at it since her last birthday. I don't look at it often, but it is precious to me.
But today... Easter... her birthday... we all knew it was going to be a very emotional day. Easter worship this morning was harder, and sweeter. Because He is alive, I know I will see her again. The resurrection really does make all the difference.
Jim's sister's family, the Bishops, joined us for church and lunch today. After our meal we gathered in the back yard and launched 9 balloons. We wrote messages on them, and then released them.
I'd like to think that we sent them up to heaven... I know that's a sentimental, theologically inaccurate idea, but that's ok for today... So I understand why Asians (and other cultures too) "send" items to their deceased family members... and even less belief-driven cultures have ways of "talking" to the dead... because the draw, the pull, the hunger to connect with a lost loved one is unbelievably strong.
Easter has something to say about that!
Thanks Bishops for sharing our special commemoration of Hannah, and our celebration of Easter, with us today.
I don’t have an articulate essay or poem this year… Today I'm just a mommy, looking to our Risen Lord, holding onto the promise of the resurrection, longing for the day I will hold my little girl again.
3 comments:
Thanks again for sharing your heart, Tracie. I can still picture exactly where I was when I read your e-mail with the news of Hannah's arrival and departure. I can still feel the emotions. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for you. Thanks for letting me into your grief...grieving and celebrating our Risen Lord with you.
Love, Cathy
Thank you for sharing, my dear, sweet friend. I was thinking of you, this past week, as I thought about Will's birthday, and also Hannah's. I know this must have been a really hard Easter- I can't even imagine. So glad that you are able to share from your heart and still celebrate her life. Love you!!
Thanks friends for remembering.
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