Where Do You Run?

All the tell-tale signs were present. Difficulty falling asleep, waking with anxious thoughts in the middle of the night, replaying past conversations in my head, imagining future ones with both glowing and dooming results. The fear of man.

What are common fears you tend to trip over? Failure? Rejection? Disappointment? Tragedy? Things you cannot control? Being unprepared? Financial distress? Others opinions? The list goes on and on! In a given week, if I'm honest, I believe my heart jumps to all of these places!

I was recently encouraged by some insights from Luke 8--I'm not the only one. Everyone in this chapter is afraid!

-The disciples are afraid of the storm on the Sea of Galilee; and then they are afraid of Jesus' power over the seas.

-The demons are afraid that Jesus will throw them into the abyss.

-The crowds are afraid of Jesus' power over demons and beg Him to leave.

-The hemorrhaging woman comes trembling before Jesus when she has been discovered.

-Jairus's family is afraid their daughter will die.

Do you see it? Everyone is afraid. What sets some apart is not whether they are fearful, but what they do with their fear. Some come to Jesus with their fears, and others run away from Him.

Some run to Jesus with their fear:
-Despite their fears of the storm, the disciples come to Jesus for help.
-Despite her fear of being found out, the bleeding woman falls down before Jesus.
-Despite their fears of their daughter's death, they beg Jesus to help.

Some run away from Jesus in fear:
-The demons beg to be sent away from Him.
-The people who see Jesus cast out demons beg Him to leave their region.

Faith is not about the absence of fear, but what do I do with it? The question seems to be--do I let fear draw me toward Him, or send me running from Him? Here seems the fundamental difference between Peter and Judas. Both were afraid and denied Him. But Judas ran away to make himself right, and Peter humbly came toward Him to receive.

When every person encounters the possibility of freedom in an area of fear, the expression of unmerited grace, there is often a fundamental disbelief. This is too good. I'm too ugly. I've done nothing to deserve this. Or the flip side of the coin--I don't need this. I can be good on my own. In that moment, do I run towards grace to receive, or away from it? All of life is a journey where I am either running toward Him or away from Him. Everyday there is a choice, over and over again, to move toward the One I fear... that would free me... or to run away and remain in bondage.

So Long, Snowballs

Per request, here are the pics from our last snow, March 14. It looks like we are having fun, but it took every volitional bone in my body to take the girls out in that snow. The only thing that made it celebratory, was that it was the LAST snow. Despite my poor attitude, I do think our snow girl is pretty darn cute :)



















































































And I am happy to report, as of yesterday, first sprigs of green grass on the ground!

Back in the Saddle

Well, my weekly "site reading" tells me that my visitors are down to a measly 3 per day! So, to my 3 faithful readers, thanks for hanging on:) It has been nearly 3 weeks, or I suppose exactly 3 weeks, since I have posted. Nothing long today, but just a few snippets to get my writing muscles back in shape.

-Jim's and my 2 week 'experiment' (thus my blogging hiatus) was really yummy for my soul. More on that to come.

-The day after that finished, I went to visit my dear friend Amy who lives in another city here in Asia, which we also happened to live in... 10 years ago. It was already Spring there! Great reconnection time (also with my first China roommate Tammy who lives there too) and thankful to be able to travel easily with the girls!

-That day we left, where you heard about sandstorms in the news... it really was that nasty. Came home to thick caked sand on the indoor balcony (The one with sealed windows!)

-Nana requests pictures, any pictures she says... but unfortunately I failed to snap a single shot on our recent trip. I do have some snowlady pics from the snow last Monday... and a few from the science museum last Thursday. Will get on that.

-After almost 3 years living in this city, I mailed my first letter from the post office today. Isn't that pathetic? Maybe it was former post office trauma from my early China years? There are always people traveling back to the US and to other cities, so I've always just found someone to carry mail for me. Actually, it wasn't even my letter, but I was helping a friend, or I never would have had the impetus to go. But I have to say, it was actually not stressful at all. So maybe you loved ones could actually receive a real letter, with a real Chinese stamp on it from us?!? Probably not :)

-Just finished a great SKYPE with my hubby, and he arrives home tomorrow night! The girls are sleeping with mommy tonight... And I'm headed to bed now.

-And yes, I WILL finish the soul care series!

Blogging Break

You already know, I like to process my life through writing. Lately it feels there are so many things I have wanted to write about that haven't yet materialized on the blog. I still have several posts to go on the soul care series that I will finish! :) But for the next two weeks, I'm taking a blogging break...and facebook, and slowing down regular email responses.

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Copied from Jim's email:

Tracie and I will be embarking on an spiritual exercise for the next two weeks. We will still carry on a moderate work load inside and outside the home. At the same time, we will employ a more structured way of seeking of God during this 15-day period, using a variety of resources and traditional disciplines—in the context of grace, faith, hope and love. We will not engage in any intense commitments during this time, and will also lay aside some otherwise-good-but-encumbering activities.

Primarily, our goal is to cultivate deeper communion with God. Secondarily, we desire to better connect with God, ourselves and His creation together as a couple.

We welcome your intercession for us—that we would discover Him afresh as a Provider, Counselor and Satisfier who is worthy to be sought and praised with our whole being.

Much love in the Savior, Jim for the Wallace clan

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See you again soon!

Tracie

Soul Care #23: Approaching Addiction

Addiction, cont...

How do you think about approaching addiction?
1) From the top- Buying time with a bailout. This is helping a person find accountability, helping the person get plugged in with a support group, removing the addictive substance. But if you only bail out, the addiction will return.

2) From the bottom- If you only deal with behavioral intervention, the boat still goes down. They may ditch this addiction for another. Why did they choose this addiction over another? What is the root of dissatisfaction in their life? What is this substance/activity, etc... providing for you?

Just as with anxiety and personality disorders, there is a biological component that makes some more susceptible to addictions. A person is still responsible for their behavior, but that is a factor.

How do you talk with a friend about an addiction?
1) In the office, we help a person be reflective by setting up a vulnerable environment. Turn off the cell phone, make it private, set up no physical blocks between you and that person.

2) PRAY for understanding and curiosity about their heart. If you give off an "I already know what's wrong with you" attitude, very little can take place in your conversation.

3) Body language matters. Face them squarely, lean forward, maintain eye-contact. You learn a lot by looking into their eyes; sometimes even more than what they say. Learn to read a person's eyes.

4) Read the non-verbals of your friend. Their eyes, their skin, their posture... Are they nervous? Restless and fidgety? Excessively agitated? Excessively soft-spoken?

5) Reflective listening- Ask question to understand and not solve their problems. They have already tried the first things you can think of. Don't say "I know how you feel" Don't over plan your response. Invite further discussion.

Soul Care #22: Common Addictions

Addictions, cont. : Common addictions & what is behind them

Pornography- Feels to many an efficient way to provide relief. Women are also becoming more addicted to porn. It trains you to see a person as a commodity, separating the person from their body. You can have an experience without the responsibilities of relationship. It promises you will feel more sexual and alive, but it has the opposite impact of what it promises. You feel less human, less sexual, less alive.

Workaholism- Essentially this works the same way. You think you will gain more respect and become more passionate about what you do. You actually lose respect and come to despise your work. Or you think that you can avoid areas of struggle and weakness by pouring all your time in things that make you feel competent. When you are working hard, you don't have to struggle with feeling lonely or lost because you have so much work to do. Sometimes people who are stuck in this cycle cannot see what affect this is having on key relationships. They feel like, "Don't you appreciate what I'm doing for you?" But they do not see that work is their escape, not about giving to others.

Computer addiction- People don't do a great job of drawing a line between a fantasy world of internet games and real life. Thus, people turn to computerized versions of relationships they desire. Currently, psychological journals are exploring this more recent addiction; A current lawsuit is debated for someone who reported being 'abused' during a computer game. This person really internalized this relationship and was exhibiting symptoms as if this really happened in their real life, because she had lost the sense of boundary between fantasy and reality. Most of us don't become involved to this degree, but sometimes what begins as a simple computer game turns into a way to find closure in a world where we have no answers or feel unsuccessful. Or a platform like facebook or twitter allows us to present ourselves in a way that we wish people would see us.

We all have propensities to meet our needs in other ways than dependence upon God. Pornography is predictable. The affects of caffeine, alcohol, the simple success of winning a computer game are predictable. How predictable is God?

Soul Care #21: Signs of Addiction

Are you hanging in there with me in this series? Does anyone else think this is fascinating? :) The slower season of life that Chinese New Year afforded is over, so it will be challenging to keep up these regular posts. But I'm committed to finish what I started (which is something I am desperately trying to teach my Kathryn!)

Addictions

We normally think of addictions to alcohol or drugs, but there are many other 'socially acceptable' addictions that damage our souls. (Caffeine, tobacco, computer games, work, pornography, sugar, shopping, blogging! facebooking!, yes- all and many more can be addictions...) An addiction is an idolatrous relationship with any thing, person, idea, or substance, that numbs the pain of the fallen world and falsely provides us relief and/or revenge. It is a refusal to struggle and to sorrow. Addiction will give you a lot, but it will not provide love. You begun using something, and then it begins using you.

Signs of Addiction

1) Tolerance- It takes more of the same thing to get the same result. I used to be happy with one (cup of coffee, drink, cigarette, etc...) but now I need 3.

2) Withdraw symptoms- You pay the price when you try to stop. You feel anxious unless you have it/do it. You do it/use it, and you feel better.

3) Negative consequences don't change behavior- For example, only 40% of 1st time DUI offenses are by alcoholics. After the first offense, if it causes a person to stop drinking, they aren't addicted. But if they keep using even though they are putting themselves and others in danger, they are likely addicted. 2nd and 3rd DUI offenses are increasingly by alcoholics.

4) Focused attention- Obsessive thoughts about that thing. You plan how and when to use it next. You plan your life around it, think about it all the time. It's not a pleasurable extra to you; It's something you will really miss if you can't have it.

5) Deadening of the soul- When you use it/do it, you feel like it doesn't matter; It allows you to 'check out' of your life.

6) Entitlement- You feel you deserve this little pleasure. Without Christ intervening and growing you in humility, you will feel entitled to the level you have 'sacrificed'. Entitlement is fertile grounds for addiction. "I deserve this after the day I've had!"

7) Denial- You tell yourself you can stop this anytime, but you don't.

We all have tendencies toward addiction... do you know yours?

more on addictions tomorrow...