.

It seems it will be a quiet Christmas around Kentish Green. Some of our close neighbors will be traveling. It adds to this feeling I've been having about the holidays. Here it is-- "I'm responsible to make it just right for our family and create all these Wallace family traditions of our own that our girls will remember when they start their own families, and I don't even know how to make a turkey!! AH!"

Last year since we had just arrived in Singapore, it just seemed not-quite-right because we didn't know anyone. Now it seems not-quite-right because...why?

Is it the 90 degree weather while "Let It Snow" is playing on the CD player?
Is it wondering where in the world we will be living by NEXT Christmas?
Is it longing for a store like MJ Designs or Hobby Lobby where I could find some decorations for, say, under $50??

OK, it's not that bad.

We had our tree up-- actually on Thanksgiving day. Since daddy could only take Thurs. off and we wanted to do it together, this was our only choice. (Since I've promised Kathryn for months we would most certainly do it the day after thanksgivng, even waiting till Saturday was far too late!) She was so delighted to put up the tree. Now instead of waking me up first thing in the morning, she turns on the lights and sits on the bean bag in front of the tree. Many of the ornaments, however, are dying painful deaths. Slow, agonizing, multiple-injury deaths by toddler. The survivors have slowly migrated to the top half of the tree so now the bottom half is barren.

And we started our first advent wreath this year. It's actually not a wreath. It's 4 candles circled around a bigger candle. It's drama and some singing as we make a dash to rescue curious fingers from the flame. So yes, we have begun a stab towards our own family traditions.

So what's missing? I think it's that I can't make it the same as my childhood. I suppose it's me letting go of expectations, letting go of the feeling that I must provide for our girls something like Christmas as I remember it. Letting go of the responsibility to do it "right" and just learning to do it together.

Maybe there's freedom in that. And maybe Jesus can come and be our guest here, at our little family Christmas celebration here in Singapore, even if I don't know how to make a turkey.